3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
