Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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