And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Send help, water and tortillas.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
