Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
