I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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