; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Randomize
