You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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