is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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