Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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