the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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