Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
