i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
