one word: firstdatebathroomanal
this beer tastes like vomit already
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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