I will die if light touches me.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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