Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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