She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
