ugly people sure do ruin things
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
