Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
