Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
