just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
