The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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