the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
