idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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