I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
