Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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