Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
