I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
