I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
