Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
