after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
