I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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