I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
