Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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