you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
