I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
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