why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
