just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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