Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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