just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
