Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
