I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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