he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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