Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
