I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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