i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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