i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
