is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Randomize
