Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
