idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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