The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
