He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
