So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
