Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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