how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
