There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
