Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
A bitchslap is in order.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
