I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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