if you like me you must not know who I am
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
