The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
