found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize