spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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