i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
