hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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