Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
