I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
