Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
