sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
