Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
