nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize