the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
